


Laurens (and Lafayette), I Like You A Lot

by VividEscapist



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Hamilsquad, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Prompt Fill, Social Media, Texting, Tumblr Prompt, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5733352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividEscapist/pseuds/VividEscapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hamilton, Lafayette, and Laurens make headlines. They also make life very difficult for Angelica and President Washington. An alleged scandal spurs a Twitter war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laurens (and Lafayette), I Like You A Lot

**Author's Note:**

> I know Laf and Jefferson were kind of bros irl, but that's not the case in this fic—partially because I think Jefferson's asshattery would be even more apparent with today's social politics, and Lafayette would be having none of that.
> 
> The names of the OC tweeters aren't significant, and neither are the dates of things, aside from the fact that the timeline starts roughly when I began working on this fic.
> 
> Here are everyone's positions, for reference:  
> Washington - President  
> Hamilton - Secretary of the Treasury  
> Laurens - Secretary of the Interior (turtles)  
> Lafayette - United States Mission to the United Nations (technically not a Cabinet position but ya know)  
> Angelica - White House Press Secretary  
> Jefferson - Secretary of State  
> Madison - Virginia Senator  
> Burr - New York Senator  
> Mulligan doesn't work in the government, but he's friends with the squad.

_A_ _Scandal Emerging in the Presidential Cabinet?_

by Samantha Seabury

2:26pm Saturday, November 21st, 2015

 

Three members of President Washington’s staff were spotted out on the town last night. A witness reported seeing Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton, Secretary of the Interior John Laurens, and UN Ambassador Gilbert de Lafayette in compromising positions while having drinks at a bar. According to the source—who wishes to remain anonymous—the three men were engaged in flirtation and borderline fornication for much of the evening. “I know lust when I see it,” the witness stated. “The way the three of them were touching each other was definitely not platonic.”

 

Chemistry between Hamilton and Laurens will come as no surprise to previous readers (see Seabury, 10/02/15) but Lafayette is new to the fray. Our correspondent caught up with Washington's latest golden boy this morning at his usual coffee shop.

 

**_King:_ ** _Excuse me, Mr. Lafayette. What is your response to the rumors of your relationship with Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens?_

**_Lafayette:_** _That's Monsieur Lafayette to you. Let me guess—_ Reynolds Magazine?

**_King:_ ** _Are you denying them, then? Our offices have some compelling evidence to the contrary._

**_Lafayette:_ ** _Ah, I see. What's wrong? Jealous?_

**_King:_ ** _So, you are in fact confirming this information? Do you have anything else to comment?_

**_Lafayette:_ ** _Tell Seabury she can stick une baguette down her throat._

 

The truth is clear, folks. The Washington administration has a scandal on its hands.

 

\------------------------------

 

Hamilsquad Group Chat

 

 **Mulligan** : whats up with you guys making headlines w/o me??? _3:43pm_

 

 **Ham:** Headlines? What headlines? _3:43pm_

 

 **Laurens:** yo how long have you been locked in your office Ham? _3:44pm_

 

 **Ham:** Laurens, this write up has to be done today. I can't wait to see the Jefferson’s expression when I shove it in his face. _3:44pm_

 

 **Laurens:** just check the internet. _3:45pm_

 

 **Ham:** Gilbert! I have never been so proud! _3:48pm_

 

 **Lafayette:** call me Gilbert again and you'll be getting a baguette down your throat too. _3:49pm_

 

 **Ham:** Is that the only thing? ;) _3:50pm_

 

 **Mulligan:** ur absolutely sickening _3:50pm_

 

 **Mulligan:** anyway id like to know why i wasnt invited??? _3:51pm_

 

 **Laurens:** you wouldn't have wanted to come. Lafayette and Ham were all over each other the entire night. _3:53pm_

 

 **Mulligan:** so i heard. sounds like you were no bystander either secretary laurens _3:54pm_

 

 **Laurens:** no comment. _3:59pm_

 

 **Ham:** Aw, Laurens. Don't be modest. _4:00pm_

 

 **Laurens:** Laf how many of those baguettes do you have? _4:01pm_

 

\------------------------------

 

 **Denise Michael** @denise_michaels

@A.Ham whats ur response to the rumors?

_11/22/15, 10:14am_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@SamSeaburn seems pretty bitter. What's wrong? She not have more than one friend?

_11/22/15, 10:32am_

 

 **Tyler Layman** @TLayyyy

@A.Ham are you claiming you, @JLaw and @MLafayette are just friends then?

_11/22/15, 10:40am_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

I feel as much affection for my dear @JLaw and @MLafayette as I do disdain for @StateSecJefferson.

_11/22/15, 11:06am_

 

 **Mira Omari** @momari

@A.Ham do you love @MLafayette or @JLaw?

_11/22/15, 11:15am_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

Is that an either/or question or a yes/no question?

_11/22/15, 11:31am_

 

 **Loren Hartwell** @Loren_Catz749

@JLaw are you dating @A.Ham and @MLafayette???

_11/22/15, 11:35am_

 

 **John Laurens** @JLaw

Shouldn't we be focused on more important issues? Deaths of Black Americans from police are up 3.2% this month. tinyurl.com/hcqhw7m

_11/22/15, 11:47am_

 

 **John Laurens** @JLaw

Intruding into the private lives of politicians only distracts from real problems.

_11/22/15, 11:48am_

 

 **Samantha Seabury** @SamSeaburn

Update: @A.Ham and @JLaw avoid #CabinetScandal allegations on Twitter!

_11/22/15, 12:30pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@SamSeaburn how does that baguette taste? #CabinetScandal

_11/22/15, 12:37pm_

 

Trending Topics

#CabinetScandal

#SecretaryHamilton

#ThanksgivingFavs

#HungerGames

#WashingtonsCabinet

#Baguettes

#NewYorkGiants

#AmericasFavoriteFrenchman

#HouseofCards

#Adele

 

\------------------------------

**To:** a.hamilton@us.gov; gilbert.marquis.lafayette@us.gov; john.laurens@us.gov

 **Bcc:** potus@us.gov; elizabeth.schuyler@us.gov

 **From:** whpress.secretary@us.gov

 **Subject:** cabinet relationship rumors

_Tuesday, 11/24/15 9:15am_

 

Hamilton, Lafayette, Laurens,

 

I know you are all aware of the unusual situation we are in. I request that the three of you keep your heads down until this all boils over. Do not engage with the press, and  _do not_  antagonize them on Twitter. (That means you, Hamilton.) I do not care—nor want to know—if these rumors are true. Just try to avoid escalating the situation. Thank you.

 

Angelica C. Schuyler

White House Press Secretary

(202)-735-9476

 

\------------------------------

**Eliza:** you know that’s never going to work, sis. _9:23am_

 

 **Angelica:** Everyone knows alexander hamilton is incapable of keeping his mouth shut. im just hoping to hold him off for a while. _9:25am_

 

 **Angelica:** I swear one of these days im gonna kill him. _9:26am_

 

 **Eliza:** oh, come on. he’s cute. _9:30am_

 

 **Angelica:** Of course he is. that’s part of the problem. _9:31am_

 

 **Eliza:** so...do you think it’s true? _9:33am_

 

 **Angelica:** Like I said. I dont wanna know. _9:34am_

 

 **Eliza:** but what do you /think/? _9:35am_

 

 **Angelica:** I think mr treasury secretary needs to get me a raise. _9:38am_

 

\------------------------------

_President Washington Silent on Scandal_

by Samantha Seabury

1:06pm Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

 

Suspicious? We think yes. 

 

The Internet has been bustling with activity since Saturday afternoon when it was revealed that Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton has been involved in a relationship with  _two_  other members of the President's Cabinet (see Seabury, 11/21/15). Hamilton and Laurens took to Twitter on Sunday to deny the accusations, but there has been no word from President Washington. Could it be that our own Commander in Chief was in on the scandal? Did he learn of his staff members’ polyamorous relationship, and keep the truth from the public?

 

This news does not look good for Washington's upcoming re-election bid in 2016. Yesterday, Republican candidate Charles Lee commented on his campaign Facebook page, “If Washington can't even manage his own staff, how is he supposed to manage the country?”

 

Stay tuned for more updates.

 

\------------------------------

**Mulligan:** u gonna let this chump take shots at washington? tear her apart! _3:11pm_

 

 **Ham:** I'm working on it. _3:13pm_

 

\------------------------------

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@SamSeaburn is absolutely delusional if she thinks her trash talk can shake @POTUS. @CharlesLee doesn't have a shot at the #2016Election.

_11/25/15, 3:15pm_

 

 **Samantha Seabury** @SamSeaburn

@A.Ham are you refuting the involvement of @POTUS in your debauchery? #CabinetScandal

_11/25/15, 3:27pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@SamSeaburn I'm saying my *dog* could write a better article than you! #SeaburySucks

_11/25/15, 3:45pm_

 

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** @MLafayette

@A.Ham isn't ton chien dead?

_11/25/15, 4:19pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MLafayette exactly.

_11/25/15, 4:34pm_

 

 **Charles Lee** @Charles_Lee

@A.Ham are you denying that this scandal will be disastrous for Washington's campaign? #CabinetScandal

_11/25/15, 4:47pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@Charles_Lee you don't have a leg to stand on. You lack the experience, skill, and intelligence to handle the presidency. #2016Election

_11/25/15, 4:50pm_

 

 **Charles Lee** @Charles_Lee

@A.Ham Washington has made a mess of this country. Someone has to pick up the pieces. #CabinetScandal #2016Election

_11/25/15, 4:57pm_

 

\------------------------------

**Angelica:** hamilton literally what did I say? _9:20am_

 

\------------------------------

**To:** a.hamilton@us.gov

 **From:** potus@us.gov

 **Subject:** Stop antagonizing Charles Lee

_Friday, 11/27/15 11:03am_

 

Hamilton,

 

I understand it is very difficult for you to resist an argument. However, you are responsible for this situation and I expect you to conduct yourself properly. I am accustomed to disparaging remarks from opponents. I appreciate the effort, but I do not need you do defend my honor. Do not engage with Charles Lee any further—that’s an order.

 

Washington

 

\------------------------------

**Laurens:** Lee is going off again on Twitter. _8:02am_

**Laurens:** damn this is some serious bullshit. _8:33am_

**Laurens:** actual quote “thanks to Washington there won’t be another Virginian president for decades” like wtf? _8:58am_

**Laurens:** omg now he’s saying all immigrants are terrorists. _9:23am_

 

 **Laurens:** hello??? _9:44am_

**Ham:** Stop tempting me. _9:50am_

**Laurens:** what’s wrong? _9:51am_

**Ham:** Washington ordered me not to do anything. _9:51am_

**Laurens:** fine. I’ll handle it then. _9:55am_

**Ham:** Laurens, don’t. _9:56am_

 

\------------------------------

**Charles Lee** @Charles_Lee

Wash wants to accept 15k of these immigrants. Merciful? I say irresponsible. Does he not realize he is granting entrance to terrorists?

_11/28/15, 10:00am_

**John Laurens** @JLaw

@Charles_Lee they’re refuges. Are you really opposing safety for families fleeing war & poverty on the off chance that some are terrorists?

_11/28/15, 10:03am_

**Charles Lee** @Charles_Lee

@JLaw off chance? If you had 1,000 jelly beans and you knew 10 of them were poisonous, would you eat any? No. You’d be a fool. Oh, wait…

_11/28/15, 10:07am_

 

 **John Laurens** @JLaw

@Charles_Lee are you saying 1 out of every 100 refuges is a terrorist? Of the 784,000 refuges that have entered the US since 9/11 (cont)

_11/28/15, 10:12am_

**John Laurens** @JLaw

only 3 have been terror suspects. There’s a greater chance of being killed by someone named Charles than by a refuge. tinyurl.com/zh3cjez

_11/28/15, 10:12am_

**Charles Lee** @Charles_Lee

@JLaw this coming from one of the men implicated in DC’s latest scandal. Did @A.Ham give you those stats? #CabinetScandal

_11/28/15, 10:16am_

 

 **Charles Lee** @Charles_Lee

Why don’t you ask @MLafayette how he feels about you defending the people who attacked his home country? #CabinetScandal

_11/28/15 10:17am_

\------------------------------

 

Hamilsquad Group Chat

 

 **Lafayette:** Charles Lee parle comme une vache espagnol.

 

 **Laurens:** Agreed.

 

\------------------------------

**The White House**

Office of the Press Secretary

November 28, 2015

 

**Statement by the President**

 

Government office is a serious responsibility. It is a position which yields authority and charge over countless citizens. This occupation should not be taken lightly, nor should it be treated fancifully for public entertainment.

 

As you may know, there have been many salacious rumors circulating the political spheres this past week. I would like to put an end to this absurdity, and disperse any further incertitude.

 

Previous to this, I have remained silent on the issue for several reasons. First, I did not wish to give the rumors credibility by speaking to them. This so-entitled “scandal” has arose from nothing more than speculation and hearsay. Despite my staff’s contentious responses on social media, there is no evidence to prove these allegations.

 

Furthermore, to address these rumors is to take my time away from issues that are infinitely more deserving of attention. And I am not referring to my campaign for re-election. I do not make a habit of intruding into the lives of my personnel; their private lives are their own, and have no bearing on their performance in my Cabinet.

 

I implore the American people to join me in pushing aside this foolery, and instead focus on the relevant affairs of our nation.

 

\------------------------------

_Another View from Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson_

by Samantha Seabury

4:11pm Monday, November 30th, 2015

 

President Washington released a statement two days ago denying knowledge of the scandal in his Cabinet, and urging the public to move on. Why is he so anxious for people to look the other way? What else is he hiding?

 

Our correspondent caught up with another member of the president’s staff—Secretary of State, Thomas Jefferson—this morning on his daily run. At first, Jefferson was reluctant to speak to the scandal, but he warmed up quickly when asked about _his_ opinion on Treasury Secretary Hamilton.

 

 ** _King:_** _Mr. Jefferson, I am with_ Reynolds Magazine _. May I speak to you a moment?_

**_Jefferson:_ ** _Whatever it is, no comment._

**_King:_ ** _What is your position on the scandal inside President Washington’s Cabinet? Did you have prior knowledge?_

**_Jefferson:_ ** _Again, no comment._

**_King:_ ** _Are you also romantically involved with Secretary Hamilton?_

**_Jefferson:_ ** _*laughs* Not a chance._

**_King:_ ** _Why is that? Is there animosity between the two of you?_

**_Jefferson:_ ** _That’s no secret. Just read Hamilton’s Twitter every once in a while. Or listen in on a Cabinet meeting. The man has no tact._

 

So there you have it, folks. Could it be Secretary Hamilton’s impulsive nature that initiated this entire situation? What were Secretary Laurens’ and Ambassador Lafayette’s roles? Are they continuing their polyamorous relationship in the face of this mass scrutiny? Share your thoughts in the comment section.

 

\------------------------------

**Maria Lopez** @LopezM

@A.Ham what are your thoughts on the interview with @StateSecJefferson? #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 4:19pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

Interesting how @StateSecJefferson claims I have no tact, yet he’s the one catering to the press. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 4:25pm_

**Thomas Jefferson** @StateSecJefferson

@A.Ham I only answered the questions that I was directly asked. Don’t blame me for your carelessness. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 4:30pm_

 

 **James Madison** @MadisonVASenate

@StateSecJefferson you tell him, Thomas! @A.Ham needs to be taken down a few pegs. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 4:42pm_

 

 **Aaron Burr** @AaronBurr

@A.Ham @StateSecJefferson @MadisonVASenate gentlemen, please. You are politicians—not squabbling children. Act like it.

_11/30/15, 4:54pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@AaronBurr thank you! Tell @StateSecJefferson and @MadisonVASenate they are way out of line! @CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 4:59pm_

 

 **Aaron Burr** @AaronBurr

@A.Ham I’m not getting involved. Tell them yourself.

_11/30/15, 5:03pm_

**Thomas Jefferson** @StateSecJefferson

@A.Ham out of line?  Look at the pot calling the kettle black. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:15pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@StateSecJefferson you seem to be enjoying this. Hm, I wonder who the magazine’s source was. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:20pm_

**Thomas Jefferson** @StateSecJefferson

@A.Ham just because you, @JLaw and @MLafayette have screwed yourselves over, there’s no need to accuse the rest of us. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:24pm_

**Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** @MLafayette

@StateSecJefferson such a cagey response, Monsieur. Guilty conscience? #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:26pm_

**Thomas Jefferson** @StateSecJefferson

@MLafayette you are grasping at straws. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:30pm_

 

 **Hercules Mulligan** @HerculesBrahBrah

@StateSecJefferson what evidence do we have that it wasn’t you? #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:32pm_

**Thomas Jefferson** @StateSecJefferson

@HerculesBrahBrah what evidence do you have that it was? #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:35pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@StateSecJefferson you’re approaching this like these accusations are proven facts. Why shouldn’t we act accordingly? #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:38pm_

**Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** @MLafayette

@A.Ham d’accord, mon ami. #CabinetScandal

_11/30/15, 5:40pm_

**Thomas Jefferson** @StateSecJefferson

@A.Ham @MLafayette you are incorrigible.

_11/30/15, 5:50pm_

Trending Topics

#CabinetScandal

#2016Election

#Starbucks

#SecretaryHamilton

#HolidayPlans

#SecretaryJefferson

#CaribbeanCruises

#Football

#Macbeth

#ExoMarsEurope

\------------------------------

**To:** a.hamilton@us.gov; gilbert.marquis.lafayette@us.gov

 **Cc:** tailyomulligan@gmail.com

 **From:** whpress.secretary@us.gov

 **Subject:** twitter

_Tuesday, 12/1/15 9:30 am_

 

Hamilton, Lafayette, Mulligan,

 

Seriously. You guys need to stop. Washington already said to drop the issue, and you’re not doing yourselves any favors by picking fights with Jefferson. You have no proof that he is responsible for the tip to the media. Stop prolonging this scandal, and leave Jefferson alone.

 

(I mean it, Hamilton.)

 

Angelica C. Schuyler

White House Press Secretary

(202)-735-9476

 

\------------------------------

_Secretary Jefferson to the Frontline_

by Samantha Seabury

10:11am Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

 

The spotlight is once again on President Washington's Cabinet this morning. Our offices received an anonymous tip yesterday, this time aimed at Secretary Hamilton's nemesis: Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson. The message—which arrived in the form of an email to every single member of our staff—offers evidence that Jefferson has been involved in an affair with one of his servants.

 

The tipster did not provide the identity of the servant, but one can assume it is none other than the young Sally Hemings. The woman has been employed by Jefferson for six years. Despite not having a husband or any public relationships, Hemings has given birth to two children during this time.

 

Is this source the same witness who first reported sighting Secretary Hamilton, Secretary Laurens, and Ambassador Lafayette together over a week ago (see Seabury, 11/21/15)?  Or perhaps someone in the Cabinet trying to sway attention away from their own misdeeds? Only time will tell.

 

Secretary Jefferson was unavailable for comment.

 

\------------------------------

**Eliza:** alexander, what were you thinking? _10:30am_

 

 **Ham:** I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. _10:34am_

 

 **Eliza:** angelica is going to kill you. _10:36am_

\------------------------------

**Angelica:** hamilton I swear to god _10:45am_

 

 **Ham:** He deserved it. _10:45am_

 

\------------------------------

 

Hamilsquad Group Chat

 

 **Mulligan:** yo ham that was totally u right??? _11:57am_

 

 **Ham:** Maybe. _11:58am_

**Lafayette:** yes! magnifique, mon ami! _11:58am_

**Laurens:** idk if that was such a good idea Ham. Washington’s going to be peeved. _12:00pm_

 

 **Mulligan:** says the dude who totally ROASTED charles ‘im a dick’ lee on twitter _12:02pm_

 

 **Laurens:** i didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. _12:03pm_

**Ham:** Neither did I. _12:04pm_

**Lafayette:** Alexander… _12:05pm_

 

 **Ham:** Mostly true. _12:07pm_

**Ham:** True-ish. _12:08pm_

**Ham:** Okay, well it’s not like I made it up in the first place. People say that all the time. _12:09pm_

**Ham:** You know what? I don’t even care. Jefferson is an asshat. _12:13pm_

\------------------------------

**To:** a.hamilton@us.gov

 **From:** potus@us.gov

 **Subject:** (blank)

_Wednesday, 12/2/15 2:15pm_

 

Hamilton,

 

Please come to my office immediately.

 

Washington

 

\------------------------------

**Daniel Leuders** @dannyleu

@POTUS do you support the polyamorous relationship in your cabinet? Does this not go against the way of God? #CabinetScandal

_11/22/15, 4:45pm_

**Amy Spence** @amylynnspence

@POTUS how long have you known about #CabinetScandal?

_11/23/15 6:30am_

**Peter Bair** @peteb &j

@POTUS this is what you get for hiring 2 immigrants and a reverse racist. #CabinetScandal

_11/25/15 9:47pm_

**Hannah Harper** @hahahaharper

@POTUS why do you want the American people to turn a blind eye? @SamSeaburn is right. This whole thing is suspicious. #CabinetScandal

_11/28/15, 5:01pm_

**Natalie Iman** @natattacks

@POTUS do you know who sent the tip about @StateSecJefferson? was it @A.Ham? #CabinetScandal #StateSecsAffair

_12/2/15, 3:28pm_

 

 **Mark Chang** @mwchang

@POTUS are you going to fire @A.Ham? #CabinetScandal #StateSecsAffair

_12/3/15, 8:12am_

 

 **President Washington** @POTUS

I will not be pursuing any disciplinary action against my staff members. There has yet to be legitimate evidence to support these rumors.

_12/3/15, 3:30pm_

 

 **President Washington** @POTUS

Additionally, none of the allegations made have been related to illegal activity. This wild goose chase is a waste of the nation’s time.

_12/3/15, 3:31pm_

 

 **President Washington** @POTUS

The decisions my staff members make about their personal lives and relationships are up to their own digression.

_12/3/15, 3:33pm_

\------------------------------

_Senator Madison Speaks the Hard Truth_

by Samantha Seabury

12:14pm Saturday, December 5th, 2015

 

Thursday afternoon, President Washington made several posts on his official Twitter account in response to further inquiries involving the Cabinet scandal. There has been much deliberation over the intention behind Washington’s ambiguous words. Is he condoning his staff’s actions? What is going on behind his office doors?

 

Virginia Senator James Madison approached us yesterday to speak on the subject. Madison is well-acquainted with both Secretary Jefferson and Hamilton. Several years ago he worked with the latter on a series of articles supporting a Congressional bill, before Madison and Hamilton had a falling out over political differences. The former, Madison remains good friends with today.

 

**_King:_ ** _Thank you for taking the time to speak to us, Mr. Madison._

**_Madison:_ ** _It’s my pleasure, Mr. King. I’m happy to offer an objective perspective on this situation._

**King:** _“Objective?”_

**Madison:** _Well, the President is clearly incapable of doing so. His affection for Hamilton and Lafayette is blinding his judgement._

**King:** _Then you believe that President Washington should terminate Secretary Hamilton from his Cabinet?_

**Madison:** _Oh, without a doubt. This kind of behavior is heinous, and it does not belong in our government._

**King:** _Could you elaborate on that?_

**Madison:** _Polyamory is a repulsive concept. It has no place in our society. If we allow this kind of situation to stand, what’s next? Intercourse with horses? Communism?_

**King:** _A fair point, Mr. Madison. What is your opinion on the allegations against Secretary Jefferson?_

**Madison:** _That is nothing but unfounded slander. Thomas as no involvement in the kind of filthy misdeeds Hamilton and his “friends” get up to._

Who do _you_ believe, folks? How do you think Secretary Hamilton will react to this this latest attack? Follow #CabinetScandal on Twitter for updates.

 

\------------------------------

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

In search of kindling for the cold winter months? Print out this article. http://tinyurl.com/h4des9g

_12/5/15, 1:40pm_

**James Madison** @MadisonVASenate

@A.Ham you have something to say, do so to my face. #CabinetScandal

_12/5/15, 1:55pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MadisonVASenate you asked for it.

_12/5/15, 2:03pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MadisonVASenate you request for me to speak to you directly, when you didn’t offer the same privilege? It takes a particular kind of (cont)

_12/5/15, 2:04pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

spineless indecency to crawl to a prattling magazine just to hurl mud at your own leader and colleagues. And you call that “objectivity?”

_12/5/15, 2:04pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

You dismiss Jefferson of all wrongdoing whilst labelling my friends and I as heinous miscreants, without tangible basis or reason.

_12/5/15, 2:04pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MadisonVASenate I’ve seen more objectivity in a Joseph McCarthy rhetoric.

_12/5/15, 2:05pm_

**Hercules Mulligan** @HerculesBrahBrah

Yoooooo. @A.Ham secures the smackdown!

_12/5/15, 2:11pm_

**Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** @MLafayette

@A.Ham let me know if you’d like some assistance, mon ami. #GoPetitJambon

_12/5/15, 2:14pm_

**John Laurens** @JLaw

@MLafayette “assistance?” Have you ever SEEN @A.Ham in an argument???

_12/5/15, 2:16pm_

**James Madison** @MadisonVASenate

@A.Ham your little friends coming to your defense only furthers my point.

_12/5/15, 2:17pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MadisonVASenate I would entreat you to call @HerculesBrahBrah “little” in person.

_12/5/15, 2:20pm_

**James Madison** @MadisonVASenate

@A.Ham is he engaged in your fornication as well?

_12/5/15, 2:24pm_

**Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MadisonVASenate you tell me. You are clearly the expert on this subject.

_12/5/15, 2:29pm_

**James Madison** @MadisonVASenate

@A.Ham would you do us all a favor and just confess? It’s time for you to concede your position to someone with some respect and decency.

_12/5/15, 3:35pm_

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** @A.Ham

@MadisonVASenate such as, yourself? I’m sure you wouldn’t mind working in close quarters with @StateSecJefferson.

_12/5/15, 2:38pm_

 

\------------------------------

**Burr:** I just got an email from Reynolds Magazine. _10:00am_

 

 **Ham:** About what? _10:02am_

**Burr:** Like you don’t know. _10:06am_

**Burr:** How do you always manage to drag me into your drama? _10:07am_

**Ham:** What do they want? _10:09am_

**Burr:** An interview. Since we used to work together, they assume that I have some personal knowledge of your exploits. _10:15am_

**Ham:** This is perfect! Madison already made an ass of himself. At the very least they’ll see that I have better friends. Say yes! _10:18am_

**Burr:** Yeah, I’m not doing that. _10:20am_

**Ham:** But you have to! If you won’t even stand up against this distasteful spread of speculative gossip, what else will you succumb to? _10:23am_

 

 **Burr:** This “if you stand for nothing” argument didn’t work last time, and it won’t now. _10:30am_

**Burr:** Clean up your own damn mess. _10:31am_

**Ham:** Come *on,* Burrrrrrrr. _10:33am_

**Burr:** I’m not kidding. Leave me out of it. _10:34am_

 

\------------------------------

**Ham:** Aaron Burr is incorrigible. _10:45am_

**Angelica:** I would agree with you but I found a grey hair this morning and I am completely positive its your fault. _11:03am_

 

 **Ham:** Hey, I’m trying to help. _11:04am_

 

 **Angelica:** Somehow I doubt that. _11:10am_

 

 **Ham:** Reynolds Magazine asked to interview Burr and he won’t do it! He could be on my side! _11:11am_

 

 **Angelica:** I was correct. Youre trying to make things worse. Again. _11:13am_

 

 **Angelica:** Honestly alexander if you want to put this to rest youre going to have to do it yourself. Or at the very least with lafayette and laurens. If the 3 of you come out and actually say none of it was true, without beating around the bush, people will stop talking. _11:15am_

 

 **Ham:** You’re right. I have to finish this myself. _11:21am_

**Ham:** I have an idea. _11:22am_

**Angelica:** Wait what are you going to do? _11:23am_

**Angelica:**??? _11:36am_

**Angelica:** Alexander _11:54am_

****

**Angelica:** Hamilton answer me! _11:57am_

 

\------------------------------

_Political Escapades Continue to Unfold_

by Samantha Seabury

3:15pm Monday, December 7th, 2015

 

Information keeps pouring out of the political sector, folks. The latest? Senator James Madison—the same man who spoke out about Secretary Hamilton’s exploits last weekend—is romantically involved with Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson.

 

The two men have been known to have a close personal relationship. Senator Madison often visits Secretary Jefferson at his home in Virginia, and there are rumors that Madison has multiple portraits of Jefferson in his own living room.

 

Still, speculation of a more-than-platonic connection comes as a shock to those who are familiar with the two Republicans’ stances in social politics. Madison has a history of voting conservatively in the Senate, and Jefferson openly condemned the Supreme Court’s gay marriage decision last June. Has this all been a front to cover up their secret?

 

The conservative bank corporation _Montpelier Monetary_ posted on their Twitter account this morning that they have withdrawn their support for Senator Madison’s 2016 re-election bid.

 

Both Madison and Jefferson were unavailable for comment.

 

\------------------------------

 

 **Angelica:** HAMILTON THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT _3:26pm_

\------------------------------

**Eliza:** honestly, alexander, what that necessary? _3:32pm_

\------------------------------

 

Hamilsquad Group Chat

 

 **Mulligan** : YOOOOOO GO HAM _3:37pm_

 

 **Laurens:** wow. washington is really gonna kill you now. _3:39pm_

**Laurens:** also good job. _3:39pm_

 

 **Lafayette:** stay brave, mon petit lion. _3:40pm_

\------------------------------

**To:** a.hamilton@us.gov

 **From:** potus@us.gov

 **Subject:** The situation at hand

_Monday, 12/7/15 3:52pm_

 

Hamilton,

 

A word, please.

 

Washington

 

\------------------------------

**Ham:** Hey, Burr… _5:12pm_

 

 **Burr:** No, I am not watering your plants when Jefferson and Madison murder you. _5:17pm_

**Burr:** I’m considering being their legal defense. _5:18pm_

 

**Author's Note:**

> parle comme une vache espagnol = speaks like a Spanish cow. If you didn't guess, Charles Lee was heavily based on Donald Duck Trump and Mike Huckadick. (That jelly bean link is live if you want to see the actual commentary.)
> 
> Thank you to writelikeitsgoingoutofstyle for being my guinea pig on this, and for helping me pick out Laurens' and Lafayette's staff positions.
> 
> Also, a very happy birthday to Lin-Manuel Miranda!!! You don't look a day over 261.
> 
> This was based on the prompt:  
> http://hamiltonprompts.tumblr.com/post/134168380875/modern-political-au-someone-starts-a-scandalous


End file.
